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Comfortable in Silence

Blog

Comfortable in Silence

Ally Carmichael

I am all for technology don’t get me wrong but lately I have found myself thinking times were more simple without all the noise. My Pastor has said multiple times in different sermons he’s preached that we are the busiest generation. I know that I am pretty dang busy and I know most of the people around me are busy. This thought never used to bother me until recently.

A few weeks ago I was home alone, Luke was off with friends and I was preparing for a craft show that weekend. I watch T.V. while I crochet because it’s mindless. As usual I sat down, grabbed some coffee, got to work and flipped on a new show. About half way through the show it stopped working. The little loading circle just went around and around. Suddenly I was very aware of my thoughts and the world around me. The T.V. show had been flooding my house with noise and when it stopped everything got silent. I’ve talked before about my anxiety and how I have learned to live with it. Not just deal with it but I have been living a comfortable life with few visits from the anxiety fairy.

Well, when the noise of the T.V. stopped, my mind stared raging. I was having thoughts and feelings of being unsafe. That’s a feeling I haven’t had in a long time. My heart started pounding and my hands started shaking as I frantically tried to fix it. I restarted the wifi and restarted the T.V. but nothing was working. In between running from the room that holds our router and the living room I was also trying to get my security system to show me outside. We have a camera doorbell and you can pull up a live video outside. That wasn’t working either so the panic set in a little deeper. I kept thinking I was hearing things like car doors shutting and that meant someone was outside my house and that meant they were trying to get in. You might think I’m crazy at this point but to that I would say, you’ve never truly experienced anxiety. I tried everything until I was literally sitting on my guest room floor sobbing.

Luckily I have a superhero husband and brother in law, they left their dinner without me even asking and came to be by my side. Which don’t get me wrong I am super thankful for but do you think I want to be that person? Do you honestly think I want to be the one who people have to come save from their own thoughts? No, I absolutely don’t want to be that person. The first thing I said to Luke was, “I don’t want to be that girl that can never be home alone”. I don’t want to be the person that when wifi shuts down so does my life. (I know, I’m such a millennial)

This anxiety attack has had me thinking for weeks. After this night I couldn’t shake this feeling that if I was born in a different generation I would never have this problem. Back in the day there was no wifi, no t.v., no added noise. Silence wasn’t so scary because they were comfortable in silence.

I have zero statistics to prove this but I truly believe that anxiety is at an all time high with this generation. I know it’s talked about more and I think that’s great but I can’t stop wondering if in some cases we are creating anxiety for ourselves. We fill our minds with social media and see peoples lives who look perfect but only make us uncomfortable with our own. We watch T.V. shows that paint unrealistic expectations for our lives. We can’t go 10 minutes without checking our phones. Guys, I am not only talking to you because I do the same thing.

I’ll save us both and not continue to rant on this topic but all I am saying is how do we fix it? Well, since that night I have felt VERY convicted with how I am spending my time. What if I invited a friend over and talked to them instead of texting them telling them I am thinking about them? What if I didn’t have the T.V. or music playing on my days off just to fill the house with sound? What if instead of watching that show or looking at that feed I spent extra time reading a book where I will learn something or in scripture finding out what God says about me? I don’t know guys, I am interested to see just how different my life could be if I just got comfortable in silence.