Hey guys, it's been a while!
October has felt like a huge blur. I'm finally back to a semi normal schedule and I've actually had a ton on my brain that I have wanted to talk about. I like that I treat this as a conversation but that's really what I want it to be. I want you guys to relate and let me know that I'm not totally nuts. Every single message I've gotten since starting this blog has meant the world to me so from the very bottom of my heart thank you!
Today I kind of want to talk about a topic that is always in the back of my mind.
Its the pressure to be perfect.
I do not consider myself in any way to be a perfectionist. I feel like in most areas of like I'm right in the middle of go with the flow and full on perfectionist. My house isn't always clean, my dog ruins stuff all the time, I have a planner but it's a hot mess and I'm not good at writing things in it. That list could go on and on. When I say I desire perfection I don't mean in the everyday parts of life. My desire for perfection comes in the relational part of my life and from me being a total people pleaser.
My biggest fear in life is failing and letting people down. You are probably thinking, "Failing is just a part of life, it happens everyday." Just because something is an everyday part of life doesn't mean that it can't be a huge fear as well. More than failing I would say my biggest fear is people seeing me fail.
Guys, I set myself up for this failure every day. I take on too many things and end up not being able to juggle it all. This results in me having to admit my defeat right? Wrong. I don't admit my defeat. I push myself even harder.
Behind all these positions I try to juggle is my underlying need to please everyone. I rarely turn down anything because im afraid if I say no I'll be letting someone down. I rarely skip things because in the back of my head I'm constantly hearing the disapproval of others. Is this voice truthful? Absolutely not. Let me make sure to say that again. The fact that I think people are disapproving and judging me when I say no is in no way true nor has anyone given me a reason to believe that. It's just me being me and living in my own head.
There is a massive, huge, GINORMOUS problem with my fear of failure and fear of letting people down. I put so so much pressure on myself to be perfect. Pressure to do everything and never let it show that im struggling. Pressure to be everything everyone wants me to be and not stopping to ask God who he wants me to be. It's been recently said to me (I'm looking at you Corey Thomas) that just because something is a good thing and because it is glorifying to God doesn't mean it has to be a good fit for me. Guys, the heavens opened and angels sang when I heard this. Such an easy truth that I have missed all my life. BUT, back on track the problem with me putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect is that there was only and will only ever be one perfect person to walk this Earth, Jesus!
I read a book not long ago titled, Nothing to Prove. The whole idea was that we have nothing to prove BECAUSE of Jesus. I'm walking around afraid to fail when there is someone who came to this Earth and walked it perfectly so that I don't have to, so that WE don't have to. I don't have to measure up because Jesus measured up on my behalf. How amazing is that?! Let me break this down for you.
You don't have to juggle all those titles you are juggling. You don't have to be afraid to admit you are struggling. It's okay to take a break. You don't have to be perfect. And it's all because of Jesus. There is such an amazing freedom that comes in accepting and following Christ, we just have to choose to walk in it.
This freedom has been brought back to my attention this week while I have been feeling overwhelmed. God has been really just laying it hard on my heart. The truth is that I've been spending far too much time worrying about all of this. Worrying about a battle that's already been won. It's time to accept that freedom, walk in it and switch our focus to how we can expand and bring glory to the kingdom. I'm speaking to myself mainly but believe there's a few out there reading that will know I'm speaking to you as well. :)
"Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."
// 2 Corinthians 5:20-21